ahem…. is this thing on? i couldn’t even begin to tell you what i’ve been doing for the last twoish years and why it hasn’t involved blogging. i’d have to say i have a complicated relationship with my blog. i love it and it’s my baby, i pay to maintain it because like i said it’s my baby, but for whatever reason it’s been so hard for me to sit down and create content. if i had to guess why, it probably has something to do with struggling to put my thoughts into words with the added layer of constantly staring at a laptop and thinking/typing for my 9-5. the last thing i want to do in my spare time is do more thinking and typing on my little screen.
in a way i also don’t think i really believe in my own content? (if we’re being honest i don’t think i believe in myself very much lately which is something i’m going to address with my therapist asap!) compared to how much effort and aesthetics other people show through their content, i feel like i just quit while i’m ahead because i can’t even compete. i’m a do the bare minimum most of the time kind of b*tch and content creating definitely requires more than the bare minimum.
anyway, i don’t even know what to talk about in this post. i just know i wanted and needed to talk. it’s a new year and it seems in reflecting on my goals and resolutions i always realize i fall off so easily from my hobbies. maybe if i could see blogging as a form of self-care rather than an effortful or draining hobby i’d be motivated or at least be more accountable. i’ve always loved writing and not to toot my own horn (or should i be tooting it more???) i think i’m a good as$ writer.
since i was last on here, i moved out of my apartment and back to my parents house until i moved in with my boyfriend. my nephew was born almost a year ago and my niece will be four in a couple months. i love being a cool hands on aunt. my boyfriend and i are about to celebrate our three year anniversary!!! we became german shepherd parents when we brought home our now 9 month old GSD back in july. we’ve been working on building a life and home together and managing the dynamic between the actual puppy and our 9 year old forever puppy.
i’m about to be at my job for seven and a half years and i’m still going strong. which is wild to think about since i started it right out of grad school. there’s phases in my life where i feel like my professional life is harder than my personal life. recently i’ve been feeling like it’s the opposite. it’s better than struggling in both though because that equals constant crises. i’ve made many significant adjustments in the last few years that sometimes catch up to me in weird ways when i least expect it. but also i have control issues so that could just be me.
historically i’ve posted content about my favorite makeup and beauty products, thoughts about books i’ve read, candles i’m loving, gluten free foods, the list goes on. i still enjoy all of those things but i have just not really been in my “new” era. i use all of my tried and true products. i’ve simplified and minimized my makeup/beauty routine to a few go-to products. i have enough bath and body works three wick candles to last a lifetime so haven’t purchased more. i’m definitely always on the hunt for gluten free options and restaurants so i can make a future post about that (hopefully before another two year hiatus).
as for books, that is always a work in progress because my attention span has been sh*t. i was in my colleen hoover era for a hot minute and now trying to ride an emily henry wave. i used to be solely psychological thrillers but now i can’t seem to get enough of rom coms in literary form. i guess the only consistent thing about me is i’m a ride or die non-fiction girlie. (is it girlie or girly?) i’ve read COHO’s november 9, it ends with us, and reminders of him. i meant to read it starts with us right after it ends with us but got burnt out from the COHO drama so i still have that and confess waiting for me.
i did manage to finish reading a christmas theme rom com during this holiday szn and was extremely proud of myself!!! all i want for christmas by maggie knox was definitely a fun read. each chapter alternates between the two main characters and takes place in nashville so yeeeeehaw y’all. i’m currently reading emily henry’s beach read and want to read book lovers next but also i just bought wildfire by hannah grace on a whim while shopping last weekend because the book section was so close to the wine lol.
i’ve been sitting here so long i’m getting distracted and i can’t tell if i’ve run out of things to say or i’m too lazy to keep going. which in the larger sense is literally what has been so challenging to maintain this platform. i’m so caught up in my day to day life and haven’t made much room for extracurricular activities for lack of better term to describe whatever this is. but i want to engage in this blog intuitively. i want it to be a safe space for myself and for others if anyone ever reads this.
the only consistent thing in life is striving to be consistent. it’s just not possible to be 100% in every area of our lives all the time. there is just simply too many things going on to be on point all day everyday. there will be parts of our lives and routines that serve us in certain chapters/phases, and others that won’t. i started this blog during a specific time in my life when i was making a huge adjustment and ~FiNdInG mYsElF lolz~. it was a a fun and fulfilling activity for the first year or so. it then became an activity to keep me distracted and fill my time during covid. i don’t know what purpose it has for me nowadays but if i don’t try, i won’t figure it out. so in conclusion, even though i haven’t been around, i know i can always come back. because at the end of the day it’s my god*@mn blog. okay bye!!!
